Navigating Holiday Grief: Finding New Light in the Dark

As the holiday season draws near, the air around us fills with festivities, decorations, and the spirit of holiday cheer. For some, it's a season of peace, celebration, and connection, marked by the joyous exchange of gifts and large family gatherings.

However, this narrative simply doesn't reflect the reality for countless individuals. For those navigating the complex journey of grief, what is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year may instead bring reminders of loss. The weight of grief, coupled with societal expectations of engagement and happiness, can create an isolating experience. If you find yourself forced to befriend grief this holiday season, know that you're not alone.

A significant number of individuals find themselves grappling with grief this holiday season. In 2021, around 50% of people expressed a reluctance to celebrate due to a pervasive sense of grief and loss. Grief is a universal experience that touches everyone at some point in life, and in the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a noticeable surge in grieving Americans. It's the proverbial elephant in the room—an unspoken presence that we all witness and endure. During the holiday season, there's an added pressure to adorn this elephant, making it easier to overlook.

But what if, this year, we decided not to go along with the usual hullabaloo?

What if we refrained from decorating the elephant and, instead, extended an invitation for it to join us at the table for an open and honest conversation?

The Challenges of Holiday Grief 

The holiday season has a way of amplifying the already tough experience of grief. Beyond the challenge of dealing with loss and the emotions that come with it, there is also the added pressure to embrace the holiday spirit and put on a happy face for those around you. Constant reminders of the loss and unexpected triggers can hit the hardest when you least expect it.

As society collectively anticipates festive reunions, those navigating the terrain of grief might feel like outsiders. Recognizing the unique challenges of holiday grief involves acknowledging the dissonance between the emotional landscape of a grieving individual and the societal expectations that surround a season traditionally associated with joy. How do we navigate providing space for diverse experiences and perspectives that allows people to show up as they are, navigating grief in their unique ways?

Coping through the Emotional Minefield 

Reflective Practices 

One powerful approach is engaging in reflective practices such as journaling or meditation. Intentionally carving out space and time to express emotions and memories can be a therapeutic and healing outlet. Meditation, on the other hand, offers a moment of stillness amid the holiday hustle, allowing us to reconnect with our inner self and intuition. It is also important to get creative with what works for you. Music can be a powerful tool for grounding and reflecting on our emotions and experiences too. If journaling or meditation aren’t activities you connect with- how can you explore an outlet to express your emotions and get in tune with your body?

Establishing New Traditions

Encouraging the creation of new traditions provides an opportunity to honor and remember loved ones in a positive light. Whether it's lighting a candle, dedicating a special ornament, or preparing a favorite dish, these actions can turn grief into a source of meaningful connection and celebration.

Setting Realistic Expectations

Amidst the pressure to be jolly, setting realistic expectations becomes crucial. It is important to be kind to yourself and not force happiness. Allow yourself to let go of the expectations of others, and meet yourself where you are. Practicing gentleness and self-compassion can go a long way in the grief process. It is also valuable to recognize that grief doesn't adhere to a festive calendar. Grief is not linear and that becomes very clear during the holidays. Experiences you may have thought you healed from can reemerge and increases the need for self-compassion through this emotionally charged time.

Honoring Memories: Creative Expressions of Remembrance

Amidst the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, finding meaningful ways to honor and remember loved ones becomes a therapeutic avenue for navigating grief. Creative expressions serve as powerful tools to transform grief into a source of connection and positivity.

Engaging in Creative Outlets

Whether through art, writing, or other expressive forms, creativity offers us a channel to process emotions and celebrate the unique memories of those lost. Exploring how creative expression in your therapeutic journey allows grief to be acknowledged and transformed into a tangible, shared legacy. Utilizing art forms that remind you of your loved one can be a way to connect and continue processing your grief and explore new ways of feeling close to them. 

Community Initiatives and Communal Remembrance

Beyond personal creative endeavors, the holiday season offers opportunities to participate in community initiatives that celebrate the memories of those no longer present. From local events to collaborative art projects, this subsection delves into the communal aspect of creative remembrance, fostering a sense of unity and support during a time often marked by individual grief. Offer a donation in your loved ones name, or volunteer and share stories of your loved one while sharing their legacy in your actions. 

As we navigate the complexities of holiday grief, embracing creative expressions as a means of honoring memories and transforming sorrow into a celebration of life can offer us a new perspective on our healing journey. By exploring both personal and communal avenues of creative remembrance, we uncover the potential for shared healing, turning grief into an expression of connection and resilience. 

Navigating Holiday Grief with Collective Strength

Seeking and offering support and connection in the holiday season is a testament to the resilience within shared human experiences. By opening up conversations about grief, we reshape the narrative, transforming isolation into a space for understanding and collective healing. In exploring creative expressions of remembrance, both personal and communal, the holiday season becomes an opportunity to honor memories and celebrate the lives of those we've lost. Through art, writing, and community initiatives, we find a source of connection and shared strength.

Studies show that 89% of Americans agree that grief should be talked about more, and that 70% of Americans agree that they do not know what to say to someone who is grieving. So many of us are grieving, and longing for that connection, but we struggle when it comes to actively reaching out and knowing what to say. But sometimes, the silence makes it that much worse.

Connection is paramount in the healing and grieving process. Reaching out becomes an act of profound vulnerability and courage. Whether it's initiating a heartfelt conversation with a trusted friend, sharing the weight of emotions with family members, or finding solace in the embrace of a supportive community, connection becomes the bridge between the isolating journey of grief and the understanding warmth of shared experiences. You don’t have to know exactly what to say, or say the ‘just right’ thing- but just being with somebody and being willing to acknowledge the pain and not try to change it can go a long way

In this shared journey, there is light—the light of human connection, understanding, and the collective strength to navigate the complexities of grief together. As the holiday season unfolds, let us extend compassion, embrace creativity, and offer the support that makes the journey through grief not just an individual trek but a shared journey towards healing and remembrance.

Contributed by: Alicia Cornwell, MAC, LPC-Associate supervised by Chelsea Fielder-Jenks LPC-S.

References:  https://experiencecamps.org/blog/survey-results-from-experience-camps-and-the-harris-poll